Mother’s Day. A different view.

Yesterday (11th March) in the UK was mother’s day, a day to celebrate the woman who brought you up. A day of Flowers, breakfasts in bed, and homemade cards from Little ones.

I read posts online with an outpouring of love and laughter. Some of grief for mothers not with us. Some of love for the women in their lives.

Reading these pulls at my heart strings. I sent my mum and grandma a gift and a card each. I spent time choosing them, and made sure they were posted on time. We did the same for L’s mum, however accompanied with some flowers, as no need to post them.

But one thing I don’t have with my mum is a close relationship. It is strained. We both know that. We talk once to twice a week on the phone and message in between photos and titbits from our days. But never anything serious and never in great detail. It’s a very iceberg like relationship, we only discuss what is on the surface.

Since I left home our relationship has changed more and more with each passing year. It wasn’t great even then. We didn’t speak at all for a number of years. But as much as it sounds sad, it works for us to stay at arms length.When I have visited,I realise the distance between us, how different we are. How much my life and how I feel has changed.

However much I want to have that best friend type relationship, we aren’t the right people for it.

It is nobody’s fault. I haven’t been an angel daughter, I was a teenage nightmare, a child worry, and I could lie better than a world war 2 spy rather than face a lecture on my teenage exploits.

My parents have always wanted their best for me. They both worked hard, and struggled for money, but made sure I went on holidays and to different sports clubs. They bought me everything I ever wanted. But emotionally there was a void, that turned into an unclosable chasm. That has left sometimes an emotional mute.

my dad and me are no different, I recognised that my anxiety began when I saw my dad walking for the bus to work in the rain, I felt bad that he had to do that. I used to sit up and wait for him to come back from his nightshift, worrying, purely that he went to work to provide for me.

But one thing we haven’t had is an emotional relationship. One thing I have inherited is a very large internal box I’m which I keep all feelings, until they spill out!

Since I started seeing a Councillor, it helped me to empty the box, I saw things and felt things I realised I had hung onto ever since my Memory began.

My parents will obviously always be my parents, but I know it is highly unlikely we will ever get to the stage where we can chat like friends, and I’m OK with that. I know I protect myself, and I do that by closing my doors.

Days like today, just make me realise that there are more than just two colours in a rainbow!

How do you feel about mothers day?

Love Sooz x

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17 Comments Add yours

  1. Andrea says:

    I am so done with feeling pressure of all these celebrations.
    I feel like when I do buy any type of present I am bad daughter, friend or girlfriend.
    And society and commercials will make be feel guilty.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. discoveringsooz says:

      Thankyou for this! Love Sooz x p.s I’m sure you’re not a bad anything, you are you, which is wonderful x

      Like

  2. What a beautifully honest post. I’m fortunate enough to have a very close relationship with my parents but I’m also conscious of those who don’t. I think the whole thing now gets very commercial and drawn away from the real meaning. It’s about handmade cards, bunches of flowers picked out the garden and being woken up with breakfast in bed.
    As we get older I think we tend to get made to feel bad if we don’t fit in to the normal image of family. However I think that a person doesn’t have to be biologically related to be a mum, they can be anyone who has acted with such thoughtless compassion in life xx

    Liked by 4 people

    1. discoveringsooz says:

      Thankyou for your beautifully written comment. Love Sooz x

      Like

  3. This really struck a chord with me as I have the same situation with my mother (my fater died 8 years ago, but that was the same too). It’s so hard. I work very hard to try and make sure that my relationship with my own children is better and I can only hope and pray that it is so. Best wishes to you. x

    Liked by 3 people

    1. discoveringsooz says:

      I hope your own children have a better relationship also, mistakes are easier to learn from than not to make at all. I’m sorry your father is no longer with you. I hope your future is a bright one. Love Sooz x

      Like

  4. lynnetteok says:

    I love this post. I have a very similar relationship with my parents. There are too many things that we just can’t get past, so we have an “iceberg” relationship as well.
    It’s very refreshing to read about someone else who is in the same situation. I’ve always felt that nobody understood that. I’ve been told that I need to let go of the past and have a close relationship with my parents.
    I’m starting on a rant here, which isn’t my intent. So let me just leave it at thank you for making me feel less alone.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. discoveringsooz says:

      Please don’t apologise, for what I didn’t read as a rant. It’s rubbish being in the same position. But seeing it, and knowing sometimes it is what it is, is good. I wish you luck with dealing with past demons. Love Sooz x

      Liked by 1 person

  5. worldofnabeeda says:

    Such an honest post and it’s absolutely okay. I have a loving and great relationship with my mum. However, I feel it’s unfair that society pressures us into having that relationship. Sometimes it doesn’t happen and that’s absolutely fine! Great post 👏🏽

    Liked by 3 people

    1. discoveringsooz says:

      Thankyou. I’m glad you have such a good relationship. Love Sooz x

      Liked by 1 person

  6. listfiveblog says:

    This was a very well written and honest post. I feel like you were able to put into words the exact relationship I had with my mother before she passed three years ago. I was watching a tv show recently when a mother/son had a really close relationship and I couldn’t help but be a little jealous of how well they got along. Not to mention, in our current world of social media the post after post of people gushing about their fabulous mothers and how they celebrate them on holidays can make anyone without that type of relationship feel some type of way. Thank you and all the commenters for reminding me I wasn’t alone.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. discoveringsooz says:

      Thankyou. I’m sorry you had that relationship, and I’m sorry she is no longer with you. Love Sooz xx

      Like

  7. I try to wish my friends a good one, but really I just want it to be over with. It is painful on too many levels- one of which is the inability to actually have kids, along with the gigantic scar to prove it. It’s one of the harder holidays for me, tbh.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. discoveringsooz says:

      I’m sorry it’s so painful for you. It’s a holiday which seems to out so much pressure, and open old wounds each year! X

      Liked by 1 person

  8. ezi2015 says:

    I enjoyed your post and reflection

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Hello Sooz, I noticed that I had not seen anything on your blog for some time, I thought what the heck you could always ignore me if I am too much in your space. Just a time to say hi. I hope spring is doing wonderful things for you.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. discoveringsooz says:

      Ohhh I am sorry! No no no… I’m just being lazy, I am writing at the moment, so I should be back soon! Thankyou for checking in, spring is wonderful, the sun is absolutely glorious, and the flowers make my heart happy! I hope you are feeling as good. Lots of love Sooz xxx

      Like

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